I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
