I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
