And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
