The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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