i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize