So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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