the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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