She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
