nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
