I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why do cheetos always look like penises
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
