seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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