if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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