she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
