I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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