I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
