I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
