Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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