So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
