Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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