and i looked up. we had an audience...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
