OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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