Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
