I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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