At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
