I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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