Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
