I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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