My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
