why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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