fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The uberlube is also flammable
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
