oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
