She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
