I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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