I think im going to throw up on grandma
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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