Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
