So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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