She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
