just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
