when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize