forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
