I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
