Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
