I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
