How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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