The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
