oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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