you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
