tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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