that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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