Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im part way to drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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