I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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