You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
