My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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