I must be too annoying 4 u.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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