you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
