Acid is not a monday night drug
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
