My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And then he peed in my hair
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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