the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
