Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she peed on how many people?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
