I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
