fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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