when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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