it wasn't lemon gatorade
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
