by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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