i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
