I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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