i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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