and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
