After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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