I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
