they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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