non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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