We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
